Rockabilly Coolness - Hot Rod Supernationals, Old Warden Park
2nd August 2014
Rockabillies are quite simply the coolest people on the planet.

We thought we were fairly cool dudes until we rocked up to the Hot Rod Supernationals at Shuttleworth to play a gig.

The hot rod rally is a chance to everybody who owns a very very cool American car of a certain vintage to roll into town, polish it up, and show it off. As an appetiser for the opening evening of the event, the organisers had decided to book the best Sex Pistols tribute on the planet to play at the marquee.

Unfortunately, Mr Rotten and Mr Vicious were 'on it' and, as such, there was rather a lot of Rockabilly slating which we found rather amusing. And surely the flat topped crowd would have expected it too. Let's face it, if you are going to duck walk around in a Gab jacket, turned up 501's and a swagger that would make the Fonz swoon, what do you expect? You want people to look and comment. That's your rock n roll statement to the world. Well tonight the world spoke back, as the 'Happy Days' jibes, and the retro banter, littered with F's and C's wound the amiable crowd into a frenzy. The Pistols at the Hot Rod Supernationals

We had never seen a jive to Pretty Vacant before, but we have now. A sort of pogoing mental jive, but a jive nonetheless. It was a great night. Every car there was a masterpiece. We had a Pistols royal tour on a golf buggy!

The people were awesome. We drank a pint of honey rum courtesy of a charming young lady in the moshpit!

Thank you Hot Rodders. You are a very retro cool bunch. Next year is a must!!

TOWIE Farmers
6th July 2014
Happy Birthday Greg,

Greg is a big mohawked arable farmer who resides in rural Essex. Slim as bean pole and stands at 6 ft plus. Add two feet for the mohican, and he is a proper punk of some stature. The Pistols at Gregs farm

The Pistols had been booked to play at Gregs 50th birthday party at his farm in a small village just outside Colchester. We parked our motor near this massive grey tin shed (technical name: barn), which upon entering we found a full stage made out of agricultural machinery and pallets. At the other end a full bar had been installed. Impressive. At this point first things first. Do you serve Stella? Yes. Good. Four of those please.

The car park is now full of Range Rovers and Bentleys. I am not going to comment on Britain’s tax laws, but I would say that I am yet to meet a poor farmer. As I looked out across the revellers, I was struck with this image of TOWIE, a sort of crazy-punk-farmer TOWIE. Long nails, tan, white outfits and hair gel. And the ladies looked equally agreeable too.

A small matter that had been niggling all week in the run up to the event was that of potential accommodation. No bed and breakfasts for miles. Then on Friday, it came to me. Tent. It’s hot it’s sunny. They do it at Glastonbury, and all those other little middle class ‘music’ events. I can manage that. All you have to do is get drunk enough. However, note to self, make sure you completely sort out your ablutions prior to going to sleep. Scrambling around at 5am with zips and wotnot is not ideal, especially if one lands in a stinger patch. Ouch.

The gig was great. The acoustics were not ideal, echoey, and loud. The highlight was allowing Greg the once in a lifetime opportunity to join us on stage for Pretty Vacant and then cajoling the crowd to form a landing platform so that he could stage dive, without the need for surgery, or worse damaging his rather splenidly erect hairstyle. The party carried on for some time into the small hours and everyone had a nice time.

The morning was a different matter. Head was pounding. Only actually got about an hours sleep due to a poxy pidgeon cooing it's tits off in the tree above my tent. Woke up to a tent collapse as some buffoon decided it would be funny to jump on my tent. A Rotten joke. Silly Tones

After swimming around in unsupported tent material for about 10 minutes, I managed to locate the zip and come up for air. What a beautiful day. Need breakfast. Sidney and the Drummer had bailed out of the party at around midnight, leaving Rotten and myself to consume what was left of the Stella 32 pack. I may have been responsible for 16 tins. Ouch. Now on a mission to find a breakfast establishment. Part of the rules is that Tesco and McDonalds do not count. It has to be greasy spoon. Eventually we landed in Braintree, and after negotiating the eternal one way system, parked and found a café called Yumy’s. It appeared to be an Italian establishment. We sat outside. I rapaciously tucked in to the Full English. And we were provided with some entertainment as we sat there in the sun, hanging over brekkie. It would appear that the Yumy café also happens to be the meeting point for the local scooter club. Half a dozen scooters rolled up, each gleaming an excess of lights and flags. Each time a helmet was lifted it would reveal a bald pate or silver locks. These guys must be originals. We chuckled as they strutted around. General patter along the lines of:- 'Alright Barry, where you bin hidin’ you soft cock?'. 'Round your ex missues gaff. Wanker.'

The best of it though, is that one of the lads (can I say lads for the over 60’s?), was trying to shift some Parka coats for ‘undred nicka’. What a tit. It had to be 26 degrees in the shade. It was probably the hottest day of the year. How we chuckled. Two Punks enjoying breakfast in the sun, in amongst the geriatric Mods.

Toodle pip for now.

Happy Birthday Sidders, at The Wheatsheaf Leighton Buzzard
28th June 2014
Dear Sidney,

Many thanks to your indefatigable efforts towards making the gig last night a truly memorable exception.

The opening salvo's of tequila were much admired, but the true masterpiece has to be the near suffocation of the shot glass shortly after you performed 'Something Else'. Quite how your wobbly little knees managed to support you for the full two hour duration is still a mystery. It was a rock and roll masterpiece and I salute you.

The downing in one of the Stella just before friggin really rather topped the night off. Well done.

However I guess you must be feeling the repercussions today as your white and drooling face began to tell a story as you were shepherded out by your rather lovely missus.

Have a couple of Alka-Seltzer on me old chap and I'll see you next week to do it all again at that geezer's farm for his 50th, Pistols-style.

Lots of love,

Tones

Long awaited return to our Spiritual Home!!!
1st June 2014
It was hot. It was sticky. It was fookin loud!!!

It's great to be back at one of our favourite boozers, the red lion in Stevenage. There is a new bunch of clothing and merchandise for sale that has been imported from Japan, and it was nice to see loads of you punters already dressed up in the full Seditionaries clobber.

As is customary for The Red we had a couple of celebrity lookalikes to poke fun at. Joseph and his technicolour nightmare coat and a rather sickly looking Heston Blumenthal gave us plenty of ammo, though our good friend Jimmy Savile was sadly missed.

Tones Tube is back!!
30th May 2014
At last, having hopefully ditched all the sad wankers and stalkers, TONESTUBE is back!

For all you budding guitarists, check it out now for instructional vids and tips of all your favourite Sex Pistols tunes!

www.youtube.com/user/stevetones77

Tones Out

Italy and back (twice) - By Sidney's Black Leather Jacket
14th May 2014
Hello. I am Sidney's jacket. The black leather one, not that dirty fucking white DJ. That daft nobjockey Sidney and his gang packed me up in a suitcase at the crack of dawn bound for Milan. Very nice, I thought, had it not been for the fact that I had his dirty pants folded up inside me. Rank. I could have gone on the plane had it not been for all the metal spikes protruding from my shoulders. Oh well.

When we arrived he at least had the decency to wear me down to the restaurant where the promoter had laid on a slap up lunch. Fantastico, and I got plenty of pizza and beer spilt down me. Yummy. The gig was spectacularisimmo. A huge hangar kitted out in the latest sound system and huge stage, capacity of around 800. Rotten even went crowdsurfing on the Italian Hoarde, the cheeky bugger!!!

The Pistols in Milan

I took this photo of the lads with local Italian hard rock outfit 'Let Me In'. Thanks for the use of the backline lads and hope to see you again soon!

Anyway that muppet Sidney had the decency to get completely skulled and fucked off back to Blighty leaving me discarded amidst a mess of spilt beer and Tena lady pads (long story: ask Tones and his leaking sphincter...!)

The chaps in Italy were good enough to package me up and post me back home. I arrived on Rotten's doorstep with a 40€ carriage fee. That pillock didn't know what the package was and sent me back to the depot. By the time he twigged and asked for redelivery I was sitting on another plane on my way back to Milan! They posted me back again, so 3 weeks and best part of 60€ later here I am, back with Sidders.

The silly thing is, he only paid £18.23 for me on eBay! Now that's what I call a fukwit!!!

Havana Club (Jersey)
21st November 2013
The Pistols in JerseyNovember saw us nipping over to Jersey for a return to the Havana club in St Helier. We got an early flight this time to maximise on the countless afternoon drinking establishments available on the Island. We kicked it off with a liquid breakfast (Guiness...meal in a glass right??) in the departure lounge, then a few more on the plane. When we landed in Jersey at 9.15am 3 sheets to the wind it was clearly going to get very messy! It would have been silly to stop and let the afternoon hangover kick in, so we pushed on through and somehow managed a half decent soundcheck. By the time we went on stage we'd had a much needed gallon of black coffee and were raring to play to the packed club! Rotten's opening gambit of
"Good evening you Bean Cunts...."

was taken in good humour as it was intended and it set the tone for yet another great gig!! Thanks go out to Stuart, Martin and Co. for looking after us again and making it a cracking night of punk on the Island. See you next year you Bean fuckers!!! x

The Horns (Watford)
26th March 2013
Live at The Horns "When I heard there was a Sex Pistols tribute band on at a nearby venue I was very keen to see them! When they came on stage I was gobsmacked at how much they looked like the original band. They not only looked like them, they sounded like them; better in fact!! Johnny Rotten absolutely pulled it off with all of Lydon's mannerisms, and sounded exactly like him too...amazing stuff! Sid Vicious could have easily been the original Sid and had all the accessories!!! He moved in all the right ways and did all the facial expressions too! The drummer and guitarist were fabulous too...what a guitar!!!!! Everybody was up dancing (well, pogoing!) including me! All in all I had one of the best nights seeing a live band, and can't wait to see them again! They covered songs from Never Mind the Bollocks plus some stuff from The Great Rock'n'Roll Swindle and also some of the solo songs Sid Vicious did when he left the band. Thanks guys for such a great evening!!!! " - Pip Hodge
Dirty Sidney's Adoring Fan
20th February 2013
Sidney's lunchbox We get quite a few pics from people at gigs and always like to share the good 'uns! This one wins the prize for most surprised look, but what is it about Sidney's lunchbox that has come as such a shock to the young lady???

Answers on a postcard please....

Keep the pics rolling in!!!

The Wheatsheaf
13th February 2013
It's been far too long since we played The Wheatsheaf in Leighton Buzzard, but we finally made a return on Friday night for a pre valentines day massacre.

A small venue with a nice stage, it never fails to deliver a quality night. Our last visit there saw Toby the drummer completely out of his nut and barely able to sit on a drum stool let alone keep a beat (no change there then big boy...). This time was a bit quieter than usual (many punters no doubt saving their weekly night out for the highly overrated Valentines night - pussies), but still a great atmosphere and plenty of old tossers pogoing away.

It was also Steve Tones' first night at The Wheatie, and he seemed to go down well. He even had a crack at "Submission" especially for the lovely Marina (we must get around to teaching him the end though...oops).

The only disappointment was the fact that we didn't get any tits. We ALWAYS get tits at The Wheatie (and I'm not talking about Mr Grumpy and the like). So ladies next time we visit on the 28th November you've gotta redeem yourselves; we want NIPS!

"The Pistols once again delivered a superb set. Very loud and very in yer face. This tribute band have got it off to a Tee. Those who are old enuff to remember will agree and those who were too young just witnessed wot it was like back in the hayday of punk. This tribute band lead the way where others follow. Don't leave it so long between Wheatie gigs next time!" - Smudger
"Finally got to see the band again, and what a night! The Wheatsheaf is really the ideal venue to see yoo play, especially SUBSTITUTE and BODIES when the band really kick off. I saw the Buzzcocks in Cambridge a few weeks ago but really, watching The Pistols is just as enjoyable. Excellent night, and hope to see you lot again as soon as I can." - Adrian
"The Pistols. As has been said before they were THE BOLLOCKS! Steve Tones the guitarist was spot on, very in yer face or what!!!" - Regular Viewer
"Great nite when The Pistols rode into town. Just like 1976 again!!!! Great fun..." - revinkevin

See you at the next Wheatie gig, 28th November!!!

Steve Tones – The Gobfather on Gibson
12th February 2012
YET ANOTHER ACCOLADE FOR THE PISTOLS!

Alright Punks,

Steve Tones 'ere. Just a little 'eads up to all you punk rock guitarists out there, to let you know that the Steve Tones Guitar Masterclass is now officially endorsed on the Gibson Guitar website.

Follow the link below to the best guitar manufacturer in the world's website and see for yourself 'ow its dun!

www.gibson.com

Tones Out

The Town Mill Cock Up
30th January 2012
Apologies for the very late notice but this gig is not happening. I came down with tonsilitis last week and completely lost my Rotten voice. I warned the venue in plenty of time so they could line a replacement up just in case; then today (the day of the gig) I woke up and hurrah! The Voice had returned, so the gig was on! The venue, however, had already committed the night to an alternative promoter who had a full line-up.

So apologies again. Keep checking the gig pages as this will be rearranged in the near future.

The Horns (Watford)
4th December 2011
I lived in Watford for around 8 years. It would have been handy to have The Pistols play some local gigs but it's a town seriously lacking in decent live music venues.

There's The Flag up by the station. A huge pub with masses of potential and used to be great back in the day, but they stopped putting live music on there a few years ago and it only started again fairly recently, but sadly it has never been the same since. We gave it a go in May but I ended up in a right state having had my drink spiked with what I assume was acid or the like. Sidney pointed out the fact that I had necked about 12 pints of Stella in order to console myself about the poor attendance, but I'm positive there was some foul play. Anyway that's another story.

There are a couple of other places, but one venue I always wanted to play was The Horns. From the outside it looks like any other pub, but inside it's a different story; they've had a decent sized stage put in with PA, lighting, plasma screens, digital stage cameras, and (this is what got me) "extensive memoribillia collection". I pestered Denis the landlord around 4 years ago for a gig, but he wasn't up for it. He kept turning us down, saying it wasn't really "their thing". I think he was just worried about the place getting trashed if he put on a Sex Pistols tribute, which, I'm sorry to say, never happens at our gigs.

So a little while back our drummer was at some poncy do in Watford and he just happens to be sitting next to Denis from The Horns. They got chatting (not in a gay way) and when enough booze had gone down Denis' neck Toby managed to slur:

"Ere...our band wantsh to play at your booza"

And that was it. Denis agreed to the gig while out of his nut and couldn't back out!

The night of the gig Dirty Sidney had kindly offered me a lift. I hadn't had a pint for at least 36 hours so thought I'd have a couple during the soundcheck. Bad move. Well, it wouldn't have been a bad move if it had just been a couple. But it was a couple, then a couple more, and then one more for the stage. Coupled with the fact that I had just bought a new pair of brothel creepers with a 2 inch platform sole it was bound to get messy. We had an hour to kill so I had another couple of pints. When we went on I was several sheets to the wind, perfect for a Pistols gig! The trouble started when I tried to pull off a classique Lydon idiotic hunchback jump during the intro to Holidays. I bounced off the brand new 2 inch crepe sole and almost went flying off the stage!!! I stayed upright though, and somehow managed to remember the words to most of the songs. A few minor slip ups (well it wouldn't be authentic without a few fuck ups!) and for some reason mid song I decided I was going to give Tones a massive slap round the face (sorry Tones) but all in all a great gig with a good crowd (OK they were a tad sedate, or was it just total disbelief!?).

After the gig Denis was pleasantly surprised and even seemed to enjoy the gig himself a little bit. Even though I kept called him a c**t while he was behind the bar.

Looks like we're on for a return to The Horns in 2009, see you then!!!

Butlins 70's Weekend (Skegness)
7th November 2011
Tonight saw our first gig at a Butlins "We Love The 70's" weekend. Having never been to one of these events before we didn't quite know what to expect. We were greeted by one of the funniest things ever: loads of 30+ lunatics dressed up in all manner of costumes from disco divas to smurfs. We even came across the entire cast of Star Wars (the Storm Trooper was class but Chewbacca was my personal favourite. Darth Vader was disappointingly shit, being about 5ft4 tall and with a crap mask)

We weren't on stage until midnight so didn't arrive until late, missing our allocated soundcheck time as usual (let's be honest we're not a difficult band to engineer...just make sure the mics are working and the guitar is turned up fuckin loud!). I had a quick look at the line-up for the Friday evening and saw that we were playing in Jak's at the same time that Alvin Stardust was on in the big hall. Yes, Alvin Stardust; I assumed that cunt had given up the ghost a long time ago! I thought we'd been tucked up; I mean, who would want to come and see our little Pistols tribute when a legend like Alvin was about to take the stage?

How wrong could I have been!?!? Having been over to Reds for a few swift beverages after setting up we headed back over to Jak's where I expected to see a few old tossers that remembered The Sex Pistols of '76. But we went in the front door and could barely get in the place! There was in the region of 1000 people in there, all pissed up and gagging for something other than the glam shite they'd been subject to for most of the evening.

Sidney's pants So we proceeded to deliver just what they wanted. We launched into "Holidays" and instantly the place came alive. People were jumping about from the outset and I knew it was going to be a cracking gig. The mic's all went dead as we started the next song ("Substitute") so we did an instrumental/crowd singalong while the soundman sorted things out. It didn't take long, and the rest of the show went without a hitch, right through the encores of "No Fun" and "Friggin In The Riggin", climaxing quite literally as Sidney took the stage for "My Way" clad in only in his swastika Y-fronts...Nice. PS we're missing a decent full-frontal of this from an audience view. If anybody out there has got photos from the gig please email to us!

"Saw you this weekend, you must be the funniest tribute act I have ever seen (meant in a good way!). I never saw The Sex Pistols live but you must be the next best thing" - Clint
"Thank fuck for The Pistols, after going to the 70's weekend at Butlins Skegness for the past 7 years and not a hint of punk, just glam, glam, glam and more glam. I used to live in London when punk broke onto the music scene and saw the Sex Pistols 3 times; Friday night for me was the best time I've had in the 7 years of going to the weekends. You were brilliant and hope to see you again next year. Thank you!" - Rob (Derby)

All in all a truly excellent gig with a great audience who were well up for it! We look forward to a return in the future, in fact on the 7th February 2009...get your tickets now!

At last...new website!!!
6th November 2011
So, a website rewrite has been overdue for a long long time. The tosspot yellow one was created by my six year old nephew over 4 years ago just so we had a presence on the internet, albeit a very shit one. It served it's purpose at the time (well, to be fair it probably lost us more gigs than it gained!) but now our very own Steve Tones has got off his slightly overweight arse and done us a nice shiny new one.

"Rott", he said, attempting to be tactful. "It's like this...your website is fucking shit"

"Well, if you can do better let's see it", I replied.

And here it is! To be honest I don't think he actually did it himself, he probably got one of his bitches to do it. We now have a few new pages...a Shop, this Blog, Links, an example Set List, plus a page dedicated to Steve Tones himself where you can get loads of punk style tips and even online guitar lessons by the legend himself.

We'll be adding to this blog with stories from The Road; Feel free to contact us if you want to contribute. See you at the next gig!

Cheers, Rotten